The Sensual Self

June 27, 2010

Artwork by Jeni Caruana

Out of all the artwork on Jeni’s website the piece  above is the one that really spoke to me ……………  Just look at her, the rounded gorgeousness, her full and abundant curves, the line of her belly as it undulates towards the fullness of her breast, on all fours her elbows lowering her close to mother earth. I can almost feel my skin touching the moistness of the rich earth beneath her.  She seems totally unaware of any outsiders gaze, so present and awake and alive in her own body, savouring her nakedness with a sense of certainty and pride.   She doesn’t appear to be obsessing about her image, monitoring her body to show it off in any particular way.  She is connected to her inner sacredness, her inner knowingness, the true gift of her intuitive powers, she appears totally at one with them

It’s when we are truly “at home” and present in our body that we become connected to our wildness, our erotic, sensual wildness, and our sexual selves………..   The word erotic derives from the Greek God Eros, literally meaning the personification of love, Plato said, “Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth”.   In today’s world the word erotic has come to mean almost the opposite of its real meaning, and in some cases has become a word used against a woman, its no wonder some women shy away from their instinctual intuitive power and cut themselves off from the part that is a source of such immense power.   We live in a society that both glorifies and condemns the freedom of sexual expression, on the one hand we see it used in everyday marketing to sell things from ice cream to trainers but sexual expression is somewhat frowned upon in a woman if she tries to express her sexual feelings and desires and becomes criticized or shamed for this behaviour.   Sexual repression, being disconnected from that true chaotic, creative wildness that is deep within us all, is robbing us of our true expression.

Erotic, sensual and sexual feelings are not words that are just connected to the sexual act and orgasm; they are feelings that are about desire, longing, passion for life and living, chaos, creativity and deep emotion.  `I have learnt from t following this path that my creativity comes from a deep connection within, and not from my head, when I create, draw, paint, feel strong passion for the ideas that are coursing through my veins it’s a very erotic feeling, I feel alive, my senses are heightened, I can taste the excitement rising, I am riding a crest of a wave and in the split second of creation, out of the reign of the chaotic swirling surf, the emotions reach their zenith, the idea shoots out across the paper and my body then sinks into a relaxed state.   I have similar feelings when seeing wonderful views, like the Perito Moreno Glacier in Patagonia, it took my breath away and I cried, tasting the silky smooth softness of chocolate melting in my mouth, when cool soft silk slides across freshly bathed skin, the smell of roses…  It’s all so wonderfully fulfilling.  Take a moment and think of what “does it” for you, go there in your heart and feel it in your body, what is it saying to you?  Listen carefully.

Live in love, connect to your passion, the passion YOU feel in your body, not what others think your passions should be but WHAT YOU THINK your passions are.  Have love in your life for everything around you, but above all have love for yourself, love who you are, find acceptance of who you are, love your body.  Dr C P Estes talks about the body as a “multilingual being” that speaks through color, temperature, its subtle movements, and its internal sensations such as a leaping heart or a pit in the stomach and says

“The body remembers, the bones remember, the joints remember, even the little finger remembers. Memory is lodged in pictures and feelings in the cells themselves. Like a sponge filled with water, anywhere the flesh is pressed, wrung, even touched lightly, a memory may flow out in a stream”.

She goes on to argue that the importance of the body lies not so much in its appearance, but in its vitality, its responsiveness, and its endurance. A woman who constantly must monitor her body and its form is robbed of her joyful relationship to her given form:

“To malign or judge a woman’s inherited physicality is to make generation after generation of anxious and neurotic women. To make destructive and exclusionary judgments about a woman’s inherited form, robs her of several critical and precious psychological and spiritual treasures. It robs her of pride in the body type that was given to her by her own ancestral lines. If she is taught to revile this body inheritance, she is immediately slashed away from her female identity with the rest of the family… Destroying a woman’s instinctive affiliation with her natural body cheats her of confidence. It causes her to verate about whether she is a good person or not, and bases her self-worth on how she looks instead of who she is”.

Our instinctual selves lie deep within, that juicy magical part that if we can continually connect to will help us to restore the wildness that for some remains illusive.  Coming home to that inner landscape will set your sensual erotic sexuality free.  Pay attention to your body, what it is telling you?  Meditate, journey, do sacred ceremony, be creative and make your journey to within, how you would like it to be.   Another way is to heighten your senses, make sacred space, work with a partner and take it in turns to activate all the five senses, be inventive, let your inner guidance take you to new places, trust and honour your sensuality.  Dance, sway and move to music that really transports you to other lands, dance with a partner, for a partner, dance naked, fully clothed, feel your body free, dance masked, blind folded, however you want it to be, but always open sacred space, call in the archetypes, light a candle and if you can put fresh flowers at your alter.  Set your intention and when you have finished thank and honour the archetypes and close sacred space.

In Munay


latest newsletter

June 27, 2010

Time is like a river

June 14, 2010

The Stone Child

June 14, 2010

The original abandonment, the original abuse, the original horror has some reason and meaning in it. It is not senseless. It is not like being run down like a dog on the highway. Its meaning most often is the development of tremendous strength, tremendous power, tremendous intuition. And I will tell you frankly that most of the people who are the greatest healers living on the face of this earth are unmothered children. One of the great gifts of the unmothered child – and also the healer, and the writer and the musician and all those in the arts who live so close with their ear against the heartbeat of the archetypal unconscious – one of their strongest aspects is intuition.”

Be proud of your scars. They have everything to do with your strength, and what you’ve endured. They’re a treasure map to the deep self.”


THE FOLLOWING STORY IS AN OLD INUIT TALE – Told by Clarissa Pinkola Estes on Audio CD  Warming the Stone child.  I recommend this , you can find it here

There was an orphan that was so lonely and so hungry that no one wanted to be near him.  His mouth was open all the time and his teeth were always showing and tears were always running down from his eyes, and he was so wild with hunger that they had to tie him in the entrance to one of the skin houses so he’d not try to eat the hunters on their way to the seal hunt; that’s how hungry he was.

They would, on occasion, leave him some rancid reindeer meat or maybe some spoiled intestines to eat, but, as we know, it was more than hunger that was gnawing at him.  Those deep needs that not even the person themselves understands.  So everyday he stretched his chain a little bit and a little bit more, until he could get near a stone that was more or less the same size as himself.  You see, his mother and father had died one night, and their bodies had been dragged off by bears, and all that had been left behind by them was this one particular stone.  So he wrapped both his arms and his legs around that rock and he wouldn’t let go of it.  And, of course, his people thought he was crazier than ever, and on their way home from the hunt, with animal carcasses slung over their shoulders, they would jeer at him, and they would say, “Analuk has taken a stone for a wife, ha ha.  It’s good for you to have a wife who is a stone, for then you cannot use your hunger and eat her.”  And they went on their way.

But the boy was so lonely and so hungry that he really had reached the end of his feeling for life.  And even though he had that terrible loneliness and that gnawing hunger, he kept his body wrapped around that stone, and because the stone began to take the heat from his flesh, the boy began to die.  The stone took the heat from his hands, and then it took the heat from his thighs, and it even took the heat from his chin where he rested it on top of the stone.

And just as the boy was living his last breath, the hunters of his village came by again on their way home from the hunt, and again they called him down, and they said, “You crazy boy!  You are nesting with that stone like it is an egg.  We should call you Bird Boy, you good-for-nothing creature.”  And because the boy was near death, his feelings were hurt more than he could ever say, and great icy tears began to roll down his face and across his parka, and his cold, cold tears hit the hot, hot stone with a sizzle and a hiss and a crack, and it broke the stone right in two.

And inside was the most perfect little female the boy could ever want.  “Come,” she said, “I am here now, and you are an orphan no more.”  And she gave him a bow and arrows and a harpoon she had brought with her, and the boy and the girl made their house and had babies.  And, if they are not yet dead, they are in that land where the snow is violet and the night sky is black.  They are there, living still.

Follow your Bliss

June 12, 2010

“Follow your Bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where once there were only walls”

these words were written by  Joseph Campbell and never a truer word was spoken.

We are all radiate out our luminous energy body, not only us but every object in the universe emits an energetic frequency that connects us all together.  However we all vibrate at differing frequency levels commensurate with what we are holding in our energy fields.  This energy then seeks out, pulls in and attracts situations and people that are vibrating on the exact same level.  So you can see if you follow your bliss, allow yourself to follow that which ignites the passion within you, your vibrational qualities will be raised to a consistent high level, and in turn everything vibrating at that high level will be pulled towards you…     The universe is organizing itself every single second of every day, its going on all the time, without fail, whatever you are consistently carrying within will attract thee same situations and people towards you.  Fear, self doubt and not trusting in the process of life and other negative emotions we hold that do not serve us, will only surround us with heavy walls.  Trust, self-love, listening to your heart, living spontaneously and in the moment with joy and self-belief, following your bliss, will open doors and pathways we never thought possible.

That all sounds really easy, it is, but if we are going to consistently vibrate at a high level and create and pull in everything we dream in our journeywork and meditations, we need to find and clear any imprints we have in our energy fields.  You may find that when you start to think more positively, there maybe a little or a loud voice telling us all the reason this is not possible, or a feeling of discomfort held in our body that your intuition will tell you all is not well.  This is usually an  “imprint” or “block” that is keeping our “vibrations” low.  Some are obvious, and working with Serpent and Jaguar released these early on in our journey around the wheel.  Some however are more illusive, they lie in our shadow selves and are usually patterns of behavior, qualities we hold that we cannot see, don’t want to see or unable to own.  These are more challenging to reveal and there are many different ways to reveal them.  Working with a Shaman can identify these issues, using the Tarot to write a story and identify patterns that have been hiding!  Think of a person that you find difficult to be with, list everything down that you dislike in that person.  Read the list out and know that these are your shadow parts.  Another way is to think of a quality that you are proud of and one that you would like others to use to describe you, once you are clear of the word think of a new word that is the total opposite.  Once found, this is your shadow part.

Being aware of this new quality can in itself be very difficult and uncomfortable to own, but its something we were most probably told at an early age was very wrong, we could have been humiliated, make to feel bad, and definitely something that all our lives we have hidden and most definitely something we don’t want others to know about.  It can be so painful that we covered it up, bound ourselves up so tight with the opposite quality that anyone who shows these qualities we project our anger or irritation towards them.  Therefore we could be in a position where we hold a quality we are blind to that emits a very negative energy that we are totally unaware of.  So you can see how important it is to locate and clear them.

What do we do when we have found this quality or imprint?  The first step is to find healing for this part, in the way we showed you in our latest workshop held a couple of weeks ago.  This is best done with another shaman, the reason being that with a fellow shaman one can work with you using their intuitive powers to “see” and “guide” you through situations where you may not be objective.   However, if you find this is impossible and you need to self illuminate then hold your intention for the outcome that serves you and go ahead!

If you keep on doing your work, hold sacred ceremony, work with your stones in whichever way feels right with you, journey, do soul retrievals, call on your power animals, the archetypes, above all be creative, work together with your “tribe” and together you will be vibrating consistently at an increased level, opening the doors to your dreams.

Journey well my friends


This is my tree

June 12, 2010

Literally, the cover of the May newsletter is an image of a tree that I photographed last year in the Yorkshire Dales.  The setting was at Bolton Abbey and the tree with its magnificent root structure stood on the banks of the River Wharfe.

If you would like a copy of this newsletter sent to you, or would like to be put on the mailing list and receive regular copies each full moon then please send me  your email address.

What’s your tree?

June 12, 2010

Recently I met with Sabrina Dearborn, she told me “what was my everest?”  what is it indeed ?…………    Then today a dear friend Rosalind posted this video clip this morning.  Julia Butterfly Hill, an interesting and inspiring lady.

April Newsletter

June 12, 2010

Hello everyone, life has been rather full lately, writing articles, putting together our monthly newsletters, workshops in Malta, as well a creating artwork and designing interiors.  Very full on and in the process I have neglected my site here !!  I have set my intention to post more regularly so watch this space!

I have posted the front cover of our newsletter for April Full Moon, if you would like to receive a copy of this or would like to put on the mailing list for future newsletters then please email me your address and I will send of a copy by return.


June 12, 2010